The end is near…and for some it didn’t come soon enough. The playoffs are here and another champion will be crowned. Four previous champions have once again found their way in to the playoffs. The Skanks, Generals, Ricotta Cheese and Moneyballs are looking for more hardware, while The Decorators, Fat Wet P's, Average Joe and of course EZ Money are looking to pop that proverbial cherry of winning.
This year we saw a very cloudy playoff picture until the final quarter of the last regular season game on Monday night. Every team had a shot going into week 12. This was unprecedented…like Pugh being kicked out of an Asian Spa, while being ridiculed the whole time. Those two memories, and another great trip to Pine Valley will be how I remember 2008.
Once again the off-season ballooned with controversy. Hooter’s was the location yet again for another spirited point’s scandal. Once again we reverted back to the antique way of scoring with bonuses and bullshit. It was another attempt to get the league back to pre Y2K scoring. Ninety-nine yards from my running back – 4 pts? Cool. One extra yard and I double that? That makes sense. I don’t remember who had the deciding swing vote in the matter…but Casey might. I’m sure another scoring system will be brought up at the next round table, but what’s the difference, it will be voted out the following year.
Last year Ricotta Cheese, under the leadership of Bruce, Eaton, and Larry, won the fantasy crown in its first year in existence. How’d they follow it up? Not bad…they earned a three seed and a match up with The Generals. Can they repeat? Don’t know. This was also the first year in a while we didn’t have a new team owner introduced to the league. Greg picked up Neli as a silent partner and that was about it.
What has become tradition in the wkuleaguelouisville, I break down the playoff picture so you simpletons can understand it. This year takes into the music industry. What a better way to break it down than to break it down.
Teams in the playoffs:
(1) Swan Street Skanks – Lippy/Orr – ELVIS. What a run the Skanks have been on since starting the year 1-2, they have reeled off an amazing 10 game winning streak. Even knocking off EZ Money in an epic battle four weeks ago. How have they done this you ask? God given talent. Just like the King of Rock and Roll…Elvis. Everything he touched turned to gold baby. He shit gold records two at a time. The cock of the wok. Lippy and Orr have turned draft strategy into an art form cherished over time…just like the King’s 1956 Heartbreak Hotel. Manning has some favorable match ups and TO is hitting his stride. Brandon Jacobs is a workhorse and Thomas Jones is running like Marion Jones. Look for a rematch with EZ in the finals. Odds 7-2
(2) EZ Money – Pugh/Hankins – WHAM! What a run by this duo in their second year of existence. 2008 saw team EZ win their division and win high points for the year. It reminds me of the year George Michaels and Andrew Ridgeley had in 1984 when they released Make it Big, featuring “Careless Whisper” and “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” By the way…can you get any gayer than having a record called Make it Big? Unless the title was “I Like Men.” They could do no wrong with that record. To my chagrin, Lendal White has been an absolute stud and Michael Turner is leading all running back in scoring. The injury to Romo cost these boys a couple of wins, but he’s back and they are strong again. They should make the finals…odds 4-1. Now I’m sure you thought I was going to correlate Michaels arrest for “lude acts” and something that Pugh has done…but that’s two easy. Although what Greg, Baker and I witnessed from his bedroom window this summer would be considered quiet “lude.”
(3) Ricotta Cheese – Gooding/Eaton/Bruce – MR. BIG/EXTREME. The defending champs are going to have a tough time following up their amazing run from last year. Just like these two-ass clown bands had after having a huge smash it. I still can’t tell Mr. Big and Extreme apart…just like the messages that say from Bruce, but obviously from Larry. Ricotta cheese will have to “Be With You” Greg Jennings and Matt Forte if they have any shot. Ronnie Brown will have to be “More Thank Words” to make it back to back. Odds 8-1.
(4) The Decorators – Charmoli/ Nelson – HALL & OATES. Injuries have plagued The Decorators from the beginning of the year like a “Maneater”. Coming out of the draft this team was a reincarnation of the Lexington Steelers with Big Ben, Fast Willie and Heath Miller, looked like a disaster. Hope the Steelers can be a little “Rich Girl” and score some points. But almost everyone one of The Decorators saw some time on the DL and ownership was clearly “Out Of Touch” with reality. Charmoli with the mustache (Oates) and Neli with his smooth style (Hall) work good together and terrible without. Odds 10-1.
(5) Fat Wet P's – Hanka – MILLI VANILLI. Just like the smash CD Girl You Know Its True the Fat Wet Pussies are going to be good year in and year out and that is true. Hanka has built quite a winner after nearly winning the championship in ’04. That you can “Blame It On The Rain”…but the FWP’s typically just look good and don’t have much substance behind the good looks just like Rob and Fab. But “Girl You Know Its True” that Adrian Peterson and Larry Fitzgerald are good enough to bring the championship to Floyd Knobs. Odds 12-1.
(6) The Generals – Nick – NIRVANA. The resident commissioner of this league is typically a good fantasy owner. Nick seems to always have a competitive team derived from some magical pick up along the way. Derek Anderson from last year and Lance Moore and Tim Hightower this year. The Generals seem to limp into the playoffs and then BOOM; he’s rolling through higher seeds. Everyone felt that same BOOM in the fall of 1991 when a little known band from Seattle hit the seen with “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and turned everything upside down. We were all listening to Garth Brooks, Color Me Badd and jerkin it to Debbie Gibson. The Generals will “Come As You Are” with QB points leader Drew Brees and the man “In Bloom” right now…Steve Slaton. I never really cared for Nirvana back in the day though…which is the exact way I feel about Nick’s team. Odds 15-1.
(7) Average Joe B-Team – Wilson – KISS. Wilson is KISS. Without the makeup KISS becomes kinda like every other hair band from the ‘80’s…pathetic. Put the make up back on and they are ready to kick some ass. Literally. That is The Average Joe B-Team way of life and owner “Let’s Put the X in Sex” Kelly Wilson after downing some whiskey. With “Strutter” Kurt Warner, Mr. “Detroit Rock City”…Calvin Johnson and “The Love Gun”…Reggie Bush they can roll up touchdowns like Cap Boso on Tecmo Bowl. This Jekyll and Hyde team can flip with a switch to really good or really bad. Warner has a great matchup this weekend and Bush is expected back. This could be trouble for EZ Money. Odds 15-1.
(8) Moneyballs – Matt – STEVE MILLER BAND – Typically once Matt hits the playoffs he “Takes the Money and Runs,” but this year should be different. Injuries have attacked the Balls like a vicious case of crabs recently as he goes into the playoffs without a QB. Everyone knows Matt typically loads up on Denver runningbacks like Brett Farve loads up on painkillers. But this year was different…he fired on a couple of “Joker” Cleveland QB’s, big mistake. Matt might as well book a one-way ticket to “Swingtown” after a tough first round match up against the Skanks. Odds 20-1.
Teams not in the playoffs…see ya next year.
thin2win - Houchin – KEVIN FEDERLINE. K Fed was once a proud back up dancer for 98 Degrees back in the day, stock full of talent and promise. Houchin was once a force to be reckoned with in Fantasy. But, in the end, both have become a complete disaster. thin2win has fallen off the map over the last two seasons. Houchin is typically a sharp fantasy owner but LT has not been very good and bad QB play has doomed this team in 2008. Next year brings new promise to these two…a new draft pick and a new CD for K Fed.
Korean Kowboys – Jay – HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH. Jay joins Houchin and Franky once again this year as teams not making the playoffs. Coincidence…I think not. Steven Jackson was a bust and Jay had to start DeAngelo Williams and Leon Washington for most of the year. That is no way to follow up a championship from two years ago. Just like Hootie was never able to follow up their smash CD Cracked Rear View. Even Jay’s Bob Hope trip overseas wasn’t enough to right the ship. “Not Even The Trees” could have seen this coming from Jay, but my advice to is “Let Her Cry” and we’ll see ya next year.
Harned Hurricanes – Brent / Scratch – NELSON. Brent let me be the first to say we thank you for your blasts on the message board, they have been a real treat this year. But your team has not. You went with the familiar tactic of RB-RB with Gore and Lynch. It has turned into poop -poop. During the forgotten season of 2001 the Hurricanes won their only title, it was their lone highlight. Ten years earlier Matthew and Gunnar Nelson released Can’t Live Without Your Love and Affection…it was their lone highlight. But they didn’t go away after that; they continued to release shitty record after shitty record. The Hurricanes have continued to draft shitty team after shitty team. Recent discord amongst owners Brent (Gunnar) and Scratch (Matthew) has solidified this in 2008. See ya at the draft.
Franky – Franky – WILLIAM HUNG (OR ANY AMERICAN IDOL HACK). Thank god its only once a year that we have to put up with this show, it embarrasses people, laughs at them and then makes some horrible picks. This sums up Franky’s participation in the league perfectly. We see him on draft day and that’s it. But that’s why we love him. Franky has had some strong teams in years gone by…but this is not one. The recent gun play of his best player, Plaxico Burress, sums up the whole year. William Hung or Clay Aiken would have made better runningbacks that what you started. Franky we’ll catch up with you in September.
This was once again another great season of Fantasy Football in the wkuleaguelouisville. I devoted a lot of time and effort into this year’s campaign because the U of L football season was the equivalent of a monkey fuckin a football. But I digress. After the playoffs are over we can start the countdown to PV V. That is if they will have us back. Good luck to all
That was how I closed out last years article breaking down the playoffs. I see absolutely no reason to change it. It was another disgrace of a football season for the Cards and the “football” in now (2-0) against Steve Krackpipe the “monkey”. PVV was another complete success and the best year yet, I can’t wait to see what PVVI has in store. Good luck to all.
WAR CARDS IN NO BOWL
WAR BOATS ‘N HOES
WAR WAR
OUT
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